True Dream
by Sheila51
Summary: Two short IvanovaMarcus ficlets...
1. Susan

**True Dream

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Disclaimer: If I owned B5 I would be a genius by the name of JMS... I'm not. Clear? Good.

A/N: Basically during a University tutorial today we were discussing the nature of so called 'true dreams'. This is supposedly when someone remembers something they heard when they were asleep or unconscious or something like their own birth or alternately see their own future… A pretty strange concept but it gave me an idea for a pair of Susan/Marcus ficlets. Please bear with me and the fact that I'm writing this at 2am and therefore might have to come back tomorrow and re-write this as well as writing the Marcus component.

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People say they don't want to die when what they really mean is they're afraid of what comes after death. Sometimes I think death wouldn't be so bad, no bureaucrats banging on the door all day, no regrets pounding through your skull at night until you toss and turn so much that you have Rangers in your room thinking your being attacked. 

Sometimes the outlook becomes so bleak and you can't see anything to be hopeful about that you just want to open an airlock and die.

Sometimes I feel that way. I feel that way right now.

I've felt it a lot of times, generally it leads to a lot of yelling and people usually end up scared, pissed off or laughing, not openly – but I see it in their eyes.

I hate it when people laugh at me.

Bastards.

John used to do it to me. I'd see the laughter in his eyes, Delenn did the same as did Marcus.

Marcus.

Shit.

Marcus and his bloody jokes, constantly trying to crack a smile out of me. Sometimes I think me smiling at one of his jokes made his day. I wish someone's smile could make my day.

I can close my eyes and conjure Marcus, but the smile isn't the kind he worked so hard to get and it's not the one I wore when he wasn't looking. It's bitter and it's wrinkly.

Old.

I'm starting to look like my grandmother. Shit that's bad. Not as Bad as Marcus's smile though, looking at me from memory, half-cocky/half-endearing, all with that look of worship in his eyes.

I wasn't worthy of it then, I'm not now. I'm a mess. I don't know what he saw in me with those dreamy eyes. Carefully I roll over, the young Ranger outside gets very excited and wants to offer me food and drink if he thinks I'm awake. Slowly the darkness is drifting in a fogginess that is clouding my thoughts.

Marcus… My last though is a vision of him standing over me, dark eyes filled with a strange bitter regret as his lips move slowly.

"_You'll never know."_

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_Please Review. I do it for you..._


	2. Marcus

**True Dream**

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Disclaimer: Don't own blah blah - all I own are every season on DVD, plus movies etc etc etc... JMS is god... happy?

A/N: Basically during a University tutorial yesterday we were discussing the nature of so called 'true dreams'. This is supposedly when someone remembers something they heard when they were asleep or unconscious or something like their own birth or alternately see their own future… A pretty strange concept but it gave me an idea for a pair of Susan/Marcus ficlets - and It sounded kind of Minbari-like so yeah... Please bear with me.

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Marcus had always been a loner; there had been people who touched him, people he loved – his family for a start. He would have given his life for them but this was different. The body lying before him wasn't someone who had needed him before – on the contrary, most of the time she was exasperated with him, she was strong, she didn't want him around, and she made it fairly clear that while she thought he was funny that she also found him annoying. She didn't need him.

Well she hadn't before now.

For what he suspected was the first time in a long time Susan Ivanova was helpless, unable to even say anything, her sharp tongue immobilised by painkillers that he had set at a level that would keep her blissfully unaware for the next few hours.

He felt something hot touching his cheek and reached up to brush at the wetness on his face. He was surprised, it had been a long time since he had cried, he had thought for a long time that the part of him capable of crying was dead.

Then again he had thought that the part of his heart that could care for others in a personal way was dead. She had brought that back to life. He looked down at the machine that was drawing his life from him, he knew that soon he wouldn't be able to think let alone speak, and before that happened he wanted to say something, something he had known he would tell her someday, known for days now how he would say it. Ever since the dream…

He shivered, he'd never had a dream like that before, it had been a daydream actually. He had stood on the bridge of the Whitestar waiting until they got as close to Mars as possible before waking Susan.

Suddenly he had felt a dreadful certainty, and his feet mindlessly carried him to her side. He looked down at her sleeping face and for a moment she seemed to stir and a smile touched her lips as she dreamt of something known only to her, the slightest smile tugged at hi lips.

"You'll never know." He hadn't known how he knew but he _knew._ She would never know. He had been told by the Minbari that a warrior sometimes knows that he will die in a battle – even one that may well be won. Somehow Rangers sometimes saw a part of their death – a bit like the Centauri did.

He hadn't believed but suddenly he knew, he would die in this fight, he already knew how he would die, giving his life to protect Susan. It was just a matter of how and when and now he knew.

The room was blurring and darkening; he glanced over and saw her vital signs rising slowly. She even seemed to stir, vitality renewing her body. Slowly he lowered himself so he was half lying on the bed next to her, looking up to see the side of her face he whispered the words he had known would be his last.

"_I love you…"

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